College Roommate Relationships 101: 6 Rules to Rock Your Freshman Year Together!
Congratulations. You’re arriving at college in just a few days, and your world is about to explode with new experiences, ideas, friends and a few challenges as you settle into your new environment. Your freshman year is sure to be full of surprises and adjustments especially if you are sharing living space on or off-campus with others.
If you are lucky enough to be living alone your freshman year, this article is not for you. But if you’re planning to share space in a dorm, an apartment, or sorority or frat house, read on for six ground rules that will help you rock your first year of living with one or more roommates.
Let’s face it, being assigned or even selecting your own roommate is kind of like winning the lotto, or not. Since you can't swipe left when you get your roommate assignment, here are some tips that will show you how to keep things right with your roommate so you both enjoy success in school and an enriching social life your freshman year.
Remember, you and your roommate may not share the same sleep schedule, types of friends, study (and party) habits, decorating color palette, communications styles or organizational and cleanliness preferences, but it's still better than living at home with your brother or sister!
It’s true that more than 25% of college students report experiencing some sort of “roommate issues” that negatively impacts their satisfaction at school and sometimes even leads to lower GPAs. The most common roommate problems are related to unwanted guests, room cleanliness, borrowing or taking of items without permission, and not respecting one another.
So remember, if one of these common roommate problems arises, you are not alone. Here are some helpful tips for fitting into a new community and rocking your freshman year. With a few of these roommate relationship rules in your tool kit, you can reduce anxiety and stress and ease into this exciting new chapter in your life to finish your freshman year with finesse.
Roommate Problems and Solutions
Rule #1- Back Off of Your Expectations. You’re not getting married here, your “room” or “house” mate doesn’t have to be your bestie, you just want to be good “room” mates, i.e. good at rooming and sharing space together and you can and will likely have separate lives.
Rule #2- Go Slow and Stay Open. Ease into the relationship- don’t share everything about yourself all at once. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither are relationships. As you get to know your roommate, seek to maximize your commonalities, and minimize your differences. Stay open-minded. Differences help us grow. Remember you came to college to open and expand your mind, maintain this same openness with your roommate.
Rule #3: Talk, Don’t Text About Your Problems. Don’t sit on things that bother you or they are likely to lead to resentments. Resolve problems face to face not via text- it’s easy to get overly bold, aggressive or misunderstand tone on texts. Pick a good, mutually agreed upon time to talk about a roommate problem (not right before an exam or date). And remember, every irritation is an invitation to practice empathy and the art of compromise- a major accolade you can add to your college degree!
Rule #4- Be Respectful. Know what causes your roommate stress or disrupts their school performance, health and well-being and share what causes yours. Then be mindful of these triggers and do your best to respect them. You won’t be perfect at it, but you can apologize and own it when you aren’t and do the next right thing.
Rule #5- Stand Up for Yourself. Ask for what you want, respectfully (refer to Rule #4). Consider making a roommate agreement (written or verbal) that establishes your “must haves” and “would be nice to have” such as a light’s out time, house guest schedules, quiet study or meditation time/s, cleaning schedules, etc.
Rule #6- Have and Keep Boundaries. If you’ve followed the above rules, you should now have some pretty solid boundaries in place to keep you comfortable and consistent at school. Speak up and set a time to fine tune whatever isn’t working and if you hit a roadblock, reach out to your RA, a university counselor or professional therapist who can help.
Hang in there. Be gentle with yourself and your roommate as you adjust to your new life and hold on to these top roommate relationship tips. They’ll be your best friend for keeping the peace and protecting your goals and grades as you move forward with your dreams! And don’t forget to have FUN your freshman year!
To learn how a therapist may help you foster greater connections with your college roommate, classmates, and new community, please contact Dr. Eileen Wynne today. She specializes in helping college students and young professionals overcome challenges to reduce anxiety and transform their lives!
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